I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
