My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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