Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
