he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
