After last night, I could never be a politician.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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