Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
