no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
