Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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