i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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