Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
