I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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