So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
