Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
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