Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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