I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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