4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
