Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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