why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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