Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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