I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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