did you get engaged???
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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