so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
