I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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