you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
