AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize