You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
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