Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
