She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
