Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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