I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
