My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
