All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
