she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
