Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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