you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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