i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
