I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
