the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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