I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
