She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
