So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
