Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
