You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Woke up backwards on a recliner
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
