omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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