can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
God, I missed his penis.
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