Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
