So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
