just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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