how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Randomize
