I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
