You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
