Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize