I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
