I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Randomize
