i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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