I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
