Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
