I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
