you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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