I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
