Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize