my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I could have mohawked her pubes.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
