Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
