I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Enjoy the penises
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
