also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize