I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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