You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
