he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
