Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
