i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
