it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
