ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
