You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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