so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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